Larry Thoughts 3
One of the team members at my internship brought everyone candy grams for Valentine’s Day. Instead of thanking her for this nice gesture, Larry sat at his desk wolfing down his chocolate and said, “This is one bullshit holiday. Invented by Hallmark after some Catholic guy who used to pass out sweets to children.” Pause. “Probably to get ‘em in bed.”
There was a collective moan of “Oh Jesus, Larry” from everyone in the room. Larry continued undaunted. I think he relishes the effect his comments have on us “PC social workers” as he puts it.
“It’s me and my wife’s anniversary today, too. Ain’t gonna do much, ’cause I left her horkin’ all over the bathroom floor this morning. I don’t stick around when that happens.”
“How long have you been married, Larry?” I asked, sensing that the rest of the team just wanted him to shut up and wished I would stop engaging him in these exchanges. But I couldn’t help myself. I have a blog to write, for chrissakes.
“Well, let me see. I think about 10 or 12 years.” Scratches beard, leaving a bit of chocolate on the side of his mouth. “We been together for 20, though. I told her I wouldn’t marry her unless she got pregnant.”
“You should really do something nice for her, Larry, just for putting up with your ass for 20 years,” snapped one of the team members.
Larry gave the ceiling an thoughtful look. “Maybe I’ll give her an ice enema when I get home. That’ll clear out whatever’s makin’ her sick.”
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February 16th, 2008 at 4:41 pm
wow. what a guy. i wonder what he wants. in life, you know.
February 18th, 2008 at 8:10 pm
thats still illegal in Texas.
February 20th, 2008 at 1:36 pm
wow. that’s special. maybe that’s what was making her sick in the first place. Or maybe it was just putting up with that for 20 years. I wanna know what else comes out of this guy’s mouth?